Ashes to Embers

The questions will not let me sleep

Answers buried way too deep

In the bottom of a lover's leap

Made by crazy faith...

~Alison Krauss

It has been at least a couple of years since I blogged last, and I feel like I've lived an entire lifetime between now and then.  Some friends have been urging me to write, and coming back to the blog is the fruit of listening to them.  When I came back to the blog I'd created a few years ago, I immediately saw my old blogs and began trying to figure out how to delete them. "What are you doing?" asked my friend. "Don't get rid of those!" she said.  I felt I should delete them because I am different now than I was then.  My writing, therefore, was completely different.  You see, I used to write to vent my frustrations and anger.  Then I stopped writing altogether--it was merely a side-effect of death pursuing me.  I was dying slowly, but picking up the pace.  And when I really got going, I decided to run away from life and God altogether.  I was angry at God.  But in my darkest hours yet, He came for me.  The Lord showed me the futility of the life I was living, and opened my heart to the grace of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  That's why I opened up with the Alison Krauss quotation.  I had so many questions, and ended up with only one answer--the living hope that comes by grace through faith in the saving work of Jesus Christ.  And it seemed to be a crazy faith, but now it is the only thing that makes things of this world sensible.  Anyway, I decided to keep the old posts up.  The Lord has given me a story, and here in these old blogs [in part] lies some of traces of that story.  So go on and read the old ones if you so wish.  You may find that there is a disconnect, and I hope you find that the difference is quite pronounced.  I'm hoping to do more writing these days, whether it be songs, poems, or narratives...and these days, I am finding myself with exceedingly more hope.

A good friend once fed me this line--"ashes to embers"--in hopes that I would build a song around it.  I anticipate coming up short on that expectation, but that phrase does fit my story well.  I was once dead, but now I am alive.  The cold ashes were the remnants of what once was life, and now they have been regenerated into fiery red embers that burn with a living hope.  Ashes to embers...death to life. 

It’s Tuesday night and my car won’t stay in between the lines. It’s not that I’m incompetent or unable. It’s just that I planned for a real straight shot, put it on autopilot, and as it turns out the road is rather curvilinear. This happens often I guess. Occasionally someone accompanies me in the passenger seat, and points out my errors. The truth is, I have a horrible sense of direction and sometimes if I am left alone to decide whether to turn left or right, I am sure to end up making far too many turns than necessary to get to where I’m going. I oft refer to Google Maps for assistance, but so the story goes, best made plans often fail. I am much better off with a “partner in crime.” Everything is easier to understand from two points of view as opposed to one. Paradigms might be the end of mankind someday. Some say the apocalypse will be the end, but I say narrow-mindedness might kill us all if we let it.

At any rate, tonight must be an exception to all general rules about me, cuz I know exactly where I’m going and how to get there. [autopilot off…I need you not tonight]. I had an instinct to stop everything I was doing and go (even though I had piles upon piles of ‘things to do’ AND I was beyond ready for sleep). I felt beckoned, so here I am driving—and with the radio off at that. I rarely go without music, but tonight is a rarity in itself I suppose.

So I ride silently to my destination, park, and start walking
…up the stairs.

I have a sense that this might be finding “my place” here in this new town
.…up the stairs and to the top.

Things are becoming smaller below me and life is beginning to fall into its perspective place in my mind—that it is bigger than just me (something we all know, and yet lack the visual representation that serves as a reminder and convincer).

I’ve got an aerial view and it feels like I’m staring through the clear confines of an ant farm or something of the sort. There are a million stories unfolding down there, thousands of stories all crossing paths with one another. And in the midst of all of this the river runs wide and strong below me, cutting the city in half, and there is a breeze that blows long and cool against my body. I’m standing hundreds of feet above what seems like the eye of this city’s nightly storm—calm in the midst of chaos. I love it.

And so my answer to the call is “Yes. Yes, this will be my place. My retreat. My comfort. My calm.” I’m glad I finally found one…

here i sit, two stories high and staring out the large rectangular glass hole in the back of my room. my desk sits here on purpose. all i can see is the sky [and a billboard], but i love to look out the window. in fact, i suppose, it doesn't matter where i am really...i just love to stare at nothing and let my mind run through the tall grass barefoot and with her arms spread out like wings. i say "let", but honestly i cannot help myself. i try to sit and be purposeful, study, or write even. but every time without fail i end up staring out at nothing in particular, just daydreaming.
today i was driving to class, the same way i do every day--same time, same route, same everything. i looked in my rear view mirror and what i saw led me into a stream of thoughts that may or may not be okay. there was a girl (she looked about my age) riding with an older man, probably in his 60's or so. they were riding in a white 80's model plymouth. it looked kind of beat up (but i'm surprised it's even running, being from the 80's), and she was in what appeared to be a work uniform. it was a maroon collared shirt, much like one a maid or fast food worker would wear. apparently, he was giving her a ride to work. or so it seemed. they were having a conversation--actually talking to each other. this made me happy...i mean, that they were actually talking, interacting, and smiling at that. then my mood dropped a bit at the thought of this girl, who is seemingly my age and working in fast food, with no car to call her own.[i am 24 years old.]
don't get me wrong...i once worked in fastfood. actually, i've worked in many fast food resturaunts. but that definately is the hard life. and i guess i can say that b/c that's where my roots lie...but the scene that i saw sent me into outerspace for a while. when i was out there i imagined that this girl grew up in a poor family, had limited opportunities for success, and possibly even lost one or both parents along the way...which would explain the older man [grandfather?] driving her to work. i imagined her to be a smart and completely competent person, but one who was held back by limited resources in a capitalist society. then i thought of myself--someone who grew up in a poor family with limited resources, in the same society she lives in. [btw, i completely realize that these are all assumptions and are probably not even accurate...the point i guess is just the thought process it threw me into]
so what's the difference? the difference, people, is what i've been pondering ever since i've realized my disadvantage...and much more since i've moved to nashville...i am lucky. i've had lucky breaks all my life. part if it i owe to my mother, who made sure i was put into a good public school system no matter what. so that part isn't luck. but the rest is luck. i guess you could say that i'm lucky to have a mom like mine. but it doesn't stop at that. for instance, when i graduated college i had an interview with richmond county schools and landed a job with a school that was being chartered. so i had the unique opportunity to be a part of a team that would reshape a school for the betterment of the kids. if landing the best interview isn't good enough, i also had a college buddy that worked there already. moving past that, i got lucky with this whole vandy thing too. its not like i think i don't deserve to be here...that's not what i mean. i feel like that at times, but i know i can do this and that alone makes me feel like i belong in some kinda way. what i'm talking about when i say "lucky" is the fact that i just happened to get an email about funding for grad education programs here, and that i just happened to hear about the opportunity to live with reid. you know, those kind of things. i wouldn't even be here had i not gotten that email. that is lucky. [back to the car ride to class] so these observations made me feel a little bit guilty. why should i get some lucky breaks that helped me succeed, but others don't? and that makes the difference between the life my parents struggled to live and the life i live now. its just not fair. then i thought, 'no, i've worked hard to get here. it is fair.' these thoughts waged war within me for just a moment. they may never resolve i suppose, but that's okay. i think its a healthy thing to think about because in the end, i'm always left feeling thankful for what i've got. and so that's what i'm landing on. thankful. lucky. blessed/fortunate, whatever you wanna call it. that's what it is.
my current thought: (1) we need to create opportunities for kids who don't naturally get them from privilege. (2) i hope i do something really cool and meaningful with my life that will somehow improve quality of life for others, otherwise all these lucky breaks mean nothing but material prosperity for me.

signed,
lucky duck

So…I’ve got a little break at work. However expected this break might’ve been, there was still a little startle once it came. The students filled my room first period this morning with their usual loudness—stayed their usual 75 minutes. Then they left, and break came. The silence hit me like a mack truck. And silence’s lady love came crashing in just as hard as he did. She dangled just above my head, whispering into my ear about all the ‘less than sexy’ things I should be thinking about. There are trucks to rent, things to pack, grades to put in, ceremonies to plan, and errands to run. She’s mocking me…but she can’t hear the noise that’s already in my head. She doesn’t know that the reason I am staring blankly at this computer screen is because there is so much noise that I cannot even make sense of it enough to type it into the white oblivion of Microsoft Word. But these are just black words on a white backdrop. Must they make sense?

Stupid is an ongoing theme in my life. When I was a kid my best friend. Darold, and I used to jump off of the roof onto bean bags. We’d pick each other up above our heads a and body-slam each other like WWF wrestlers did. We threw rocks at cars, and school windows. We shop-lifted and lit things on fire. We played baseball with just two people…hmm. We were stupid kids—the kind adults get really furious at when they come into their front yard and see a portion of their yard on fire, or a broken window or something. I guess that’s what kids do…or some of them at least. I have no regrets about all that. Its just part of the story of life I guess.

Here are the things that are genuinely stupid…
Do you guys remember those little poppers that used to come in the Rice Crispy cereal box? It was like a little rubber dome that you turned inside-out, and when you did that and set it onto a surface it would eventually pop up into the air. We used to think they were so cool. So, one day I decided (while lying on the couch watching TV) that I wanted to see it pop up from a different perspective…perhaps from the bottom. “I’ll just turn it inside-out and lay it on my eye!” I thought the idea was genius…that is, until that sucker finally popped and gave me a black eye. I immediately knew how stupid it was to have done that. The idea was obviously doomed for injury way before I carried it out. So why didn’t it occur to me beforehand? Stupid. It was just one of those times that you do something without realizing what is actually going on. There was another time that I was riding my bike and decided I was going to plow straight into one of those chain-linked fence doors (I was one for demolition). I hit that thing so hard that it bounced back and caught me in the shoulder…took a nice chunk out. Stupid.

So what’s up with that? Why do I do stupid shit like that? I realize the mistake after the fact, and am left wishing for a time machine. Sometimes I find myself falling into a manhole even though someone tried to warn me ahead of time. And in the conversation I go, “yeah I get it”, thinking that I do. But I don’t know that I don’t until I REALLY do. That makes me feel like a real douche-bag. And until modern science starts pumpin’ out affordable time machines, I guess all I can do is learn my lessons for future reference and hope the past can be overlooked…

Oh, and I forgot to tell you...

I got to spend some quality time with the kids. Here are some photos of the time I spent with my niece and nephew (Sydney and Tyler).

Here's a little candid silly shot...

Vanderbilt Here I come

Okay, so I visited Nashville this week for a couple of days. I visited the Vanderbilt campus for the first time...and it's ginormous! The college of education has its own campus--about the size of the university where i did my undergrad work. It is a beautiful campus though. Everything is working out quite well. My advisor is really cool, and the grant is going to even pay for health insurance...phew! I will be doing some research on testing students for special services...ways to determine whether or not they should be in special ed. Its pretty cool. AND I get to work with 1st-graders!!! That's super-exciting! I love the little guys ;0)

I also met with my future roomie, Reid. He's a really cool guy--also very laid back, and easy to talk to. All in all, I'm pretty stoked about moving out there. He also is friends with a very successful song writer (his name is Humming), who has written 10 #1's, and also wrote most of one of the Dixie Chicks albums...WOW. The apartment is pretty cool too. It's very close to campus AND to downtown, so that's awesome. Its really safe too. Guests have to be buzzed in and check in at the front desk...and you have to be expected by the resident to go up.

Other than that, I just hung out with my dad. We ate at a resturant that had an aquarium inside...whoa. I had the biggest friggin salad on the face of the planet there. [Someone please tell me why they leave the shrimp tails on the shrimp when you get 'em in things like salads...or perhaps pasta...really.]

That's all I got for now,

Peace

i can't sleep. there are a million things going through my head when it hits the pillow at night, and it keeps me up. i think about all kinds of things. i imagine myself with the person i want to be with, and what it would be like to live that dream, who it will be, and what we will be. all the while, the music never stops. i hear it constantly, and occasionally i cannot overthrow the urge to write it down, finish it, put some words to it. and i often have to get out of bed to do so. other things soar through my mind: what i will do "next", what it will be like to live in a new city. then i try to imagine what it will be like when i settle down--who i will be then, what my house will be like, what i will be doing with my life then. then it occurs to me that 45 minutes have passed with me laying in my bed awake, yet dreaming. i try to fight it...try to put my mind to rest so my body can do the same. it eventually happens, but tomorrow night the story will be the same as it was tonight...

Murphey Mania...

Okay, so its been a while since I've blogged. Yes, I know. I'm sorry. Time flies...then before you know it there's none left to blog with! Anywho, I just thought I'd tell ya what work has been like today...

I got to work an hour early this morning (8am) to prepare for the day, only to find that our school has been broken into for the second time in three days. There were police there and everything. Apparently the fact that the school was broken into over the weekend (which happened quite a few times last spring semester) didn't make the police think that they might want to hide out somewhere and keep an eye on the school over night. Anyway, they broke in and vandalized several things, stole a few [more] computers, and ripped the projector out of one of the ceiling in the classroom right next door to mine. It was pretty bad.

As if that weren't bad enough, we had to all go into the gym and hold the kids in there until the police were done investigating. That lasted quite a while, and we were all hoping that school would get cancelled. We didn't have such luck, and so our classes didn't even start until 11:00. This of course threw the students into a funk, and threw off our schedule as well.

Anyway, when something out of the ordinary happens I guess I feel like I gotta gossip about it via the internet. So there ya have it...

I've been a bit interested in what's going on in the conflict overseas. I've been wondering a bit about the concern of other countries having nuclear weapons. A lot of the conflict in the Middle East has to do with concern that they may be hiding nuclear weapons. I know that we should be concerned about whose hands nuclear weapons should be in, but should anyone really hold possession of weapons of mass destruction? I mean, we all saw the damage done to millions of civilians in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Wouldn't it be better if no one had them?



So I get the feeling that this is all somewhat of a power thing. Once a legitimate concern arose about countries possessing nuclear weapons, the UN came out with the Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT) in the 1960's. This treaty was to make sure that only select countries would possess these weapons of mass destruction. What's up with that? So once the U.S. and a few other already powerful countries gain possession of these weapons, we all of a sudden make a rule that says no one else can have them? What a load of shit. I think this is just a way to keep America "on top" in the hierarchy of world power. If we possess these weapons, then we can basically bully other countries into doing things our way. We now have the power to westernize the world and force them all into democracy, which worked for us and so we think everyone should do it. Let's consider the fact that democracy may not be what every country wants or needs. By the way, let's get it right ourselves before we go and make other countries do it...
Now, don't get your undies all in a wad...I realize that there are some sizeable security benefits. I just think that the world would be a better place if all of us would just lay it all down and get rid of the nuclear weapons. Its too bad that it is a little too late for that.

SUM-RRR FUN!!!
(i'm trying to get pictures on here, but it doesn't seem to be working...sorry!)


I'm a teacher, so I am fortunate to get the summers off. I was hoping to make a big trip this summer to somewhere like the Grand Canyon, or go back to Yellowstone. I love to go to places like that. But this summer I didn't necessarily have the funds to make such a trip. So I planned a couple of small trips instead...

First, I took a trip down to a place called Quincy, Florida. My Grandaddy lives there, and I wanted to go visit him and his wife. They are a lot of fun because they like to get out and do stuff. My aunt (Diane) has recently moved back in with him too, and my uncle (Chris, who is only 2 years older than me) lives in a pool house on my Grandaddy's property with his girlfriend, Erin. When I got there we had a little cookout (and it was hot as a mo-fo!). That was fun. Then the next day I went canoeing with Diane, Chris and Erin. That was fun (except that I accidently left my sunscreen at home, oops). The place where we canoed is called the Wakula River, which flows out of a cold spring. So its really a gorgeous place. The water is so cool and clear, and there is a lot of wildlife out there to see. Normally we would've seen manatee, turtles, aligators, and lots of other stuff. But the water was low so we didn't see any manatee, and only saw one aligator (he was kind of a small guy too). But it was still a nice ride. That is, until three hours upstream we got to the place where we would turn around, and we realized that a storm would try to beat us back to the place where we let in. We felt alright about it because the whole way back would be downstream, until the wind started blowing with some force (enough force that would cause us to float backward if we didn't paddle. So we paddled vigorously to try and beat this storm, but our attempts were futile and the storm caught up with us before we reached our spot. I wasn't so concerned about the rain, I was just scared of the lightning. ;0) Anyway, we loaded the canoes back up and headed out. Before we got out of Wakula, Erin's car needed to gas up. So we stopped at a station, and I left my aunt in the car with the car running so she could listen to music and have a little a/c. Well, while I was insided getting a bite to eat she decided to get out and roam around...and somehow locked my keys inside of my running truck!!! An hour and $85 later we were back on the road...what an adventure. The rest of the trip I got to hang out with my Grandaddy and his wife. He beat me at chess and she showed me the sights around town, half of which were closed that day (I guess things are often closed on mondays?). All in all it was a good trip. I like a good scenic ride alone sometimes. Its kind of refreshing...

Well the very next weekend I was on to adventure #2...NASHVILLE!!! I've been wanting to go to Nashville for quite some time now. The guys I play bluegrass with raved about it, so my friend Leigh and I planned a trip. It was so much fun! The first afternoon we spent just looking around the town and trying to find some good music (which was hard because most of the bars on Broadway Street have wanna-be country stars in them, so all we were hearing at first was bad country music). But we stopped by a place called The Bluegrass Inn, which is a bar. We were intruiged when we heard from outside the door, one man and his guitar singing a really mellow song. He was good, so we went inside. We were shocked to see a young guy with long blonde hair, worn out sneakers, and old jeans and a T-shirt playing a super old Martin guitar. There were three other girls on the stage putting on make up, oddly dressed and already coated with several layers of previous make up. They looked kind of scary, with real dark eye make up. It turns out they were the rest of the band--two of them on fiddle and the other on mandolin. And they were SO good. They played a lot of older bluegrass and country tunes, and some tunes that friends of theirs had written. It also turns out that they were all brothers and sisters! Anyway, that was our first taste of good music. Their band's name is "Gypsy" (formerly "Silk 'n Saddle"). The first night we were there we went to a place called BB King's and heard some good oldies music and ate some good food. Afterward we walked (10 blocks!) to a place called The Station Inn for what would later become the highlight of our trip. We heard a band called "The Stringdusters", and they were incredible! They played bluegrass, and they were easily right up there with Union Station and Nickelcreek. They played for three hours, and the venue was great. We only payed $10 to get in there, and we sat right in the front. You should check them out on The Infamous Stringdusters website. They have a cd coming out soon that I will be getting asap. Anywho, the next day we made our way to The Bluebird Cafe, which we had been hearing a lot about. We didn't thing that place was all that great, so we left early (which is a good thing because we got lost on our way to the Opry). When we got to Opryland, we spent some time inside the Gibson Showcase. It was a guitar player's heaven! They have endless amounts of top quality guitars that you can just pick up and play. A guy that works there took out a $25,000 mandolin and let Leigh play it! We were having so much fun in there that we didn't want to leave to go to the Grand Ole Opry, which turned out to be a let down anyway. Most of the people I hadn't really heard of, and were REALLY old...like Jean Sheaperd (sp?). She was like 75 years old. I've never seen a bunch of richer rednecks in my life. She got up there and told a joke, and in the middle of it someone in the back dropped something that made a loud "bang" noise...so she stopped her joke and yelled out, "hit it again, it's still crawlin'!". Anyway, the Opry wasn't that great. But we decided to come back to the Gibson place the next day and fool around some more in there. Leigh and I jammed to a Dixie Chicks tune. We also went to the Country Music Hall of Fame that day, which was pretty cool. Anyway, I'm ready for another trip down there already. Don't be surprised if I just pick up my things and move out there sometime soon...

Well there ya have it. That's my summer fun! Now its back to school!!!

Love Conquers All!!!

Have you ever gone through a really tough time, and you thought you'd never escape the dark cloud that seemed to make its home just over your head? Well, I've been there just a couple times in my life. One time was just recently. I won't go through the entire explanation of what happened in order to get me to that place because that's not the point of this blog. Anyway, I felt lower than I had felt in a really long time...and even worse, I felt as if I were stuck there. But along the way there were a few individuals who spread out their arms and received me, listened to me, and comforted me with kind words and intentions that eventually restored my faith in humanity.
One of these friends called me on occasion just to check in and see how I was doing. I mean, my predicament was not life threatening to any degree. But she still called and seemed to sense the kind of lowness I was feeling. What makes it better is, she always makes me laugh because she has a way with words, and she really knows how to tell funny stories. She has a comical view of life, and I love that. I mean, if we can't laugh about some things we have no choice but to cry, or get angry.
Another one of my friends just simply reassured me that there are good people out there. And somehow her genuine love and sincerity helped me know that what she said is really true. And in that moment, I knew that there was still some goodness left in humanity.
Lastly, just recently I played at an open mic night at a place that just opened up in my city. I had never done anything like that before and I was incredibly nervous! But one of my friends, who was also playing, displayed a genuine concern for me and my anxiety. He asked me a few times if I was okay, then came to me after I played to tell me how much he liked my songs (even though I kind of bombed, especially on the first song). Also, another friend of mine rushed over to the venue from work, paid the $5, and hurried in just in time to see me play. She knew that I would feel much more comfortable if she were there.
I heard my grandfather tell a story just recently when I went down to visit him. It goes like this: a soldier got captured in the Vietnam War and was put in solitary confinement. He was there for two years without any human contact. Every day his task was to sweep the dust out of his tiny dark cell, through a small opening in the bottom of the door. One day after he had swept the dust out, the dust was swept back into the cell from the outside. He kept trying to sweep it out (with some frustration), but it kept coming back in. Then a hand appeared through the small hole. He wasn't quite sure what to do, and knew he would be in a world of trouble if he were seen making contact with a Vietnamese person. It was apparent that the person wanted him to take his hand. He finally shook the persons hand, and the Vietnamese man embraced his hand for a series of a few minutes. And this seemingly small act of love, this minute human contact, carried this man through three more years of solitary confinement until he was finally released. My whole point is that small acts of kindness can show people that love really does exist in this tainted world. And believe me, some of us doubt it sometimes...

Okay, so the other night I played a coffee house gig with my friend, Scott. I had been looking forward to it ever since he asked me to play with him. Actually, when I would go to hear him play at Borders it would always make me wish I could do the same thing. Anyway, he asked me to play with him at Borders. He actually got me a date to play there by myself too! So I was pretty excited to play with him there...

We only practiced once for this thing (the day of). Scott is pretty used to doing this, so its not really that big of a deal to him. So we ended up doing a few songs together, then some sets by ourselves. All in all I'd say it went well and it was a lot of fun. I was pretty nervous when I started my first set, but that all subsided after a few songs. I got all of my first mess ups out of the way too...now when I mess up it will seem like no big deal. :) Thanks Scottie for hookin' me up!!!

I have officially decided that I am against Mary Kay!

My sister used to sell Mary Kay, and it was then that I decided that of the little bit of make up I wear, I like using Mary Kay. Before then I didn't really enjoy makeup at all because it made my face feel gross. But Mary Kay marketed a product that didn't do that. My sister didn't sell for very long before she decided that it was more of a burden than a help.

Sometime last year a friend of mine from college came to my house to do Mary Kay makeovers. I bought some products that night, but I also became the victim of some hard core sales tactics! They kept trying to push me to sell Mary Kay, and I (of all people) hardly even wear make up! But they would not leave me alone about it! They carried on and on about how much money you can make selling Mary Kay...

I thought this was just one bad apple in the bunch, but that was before another friend of mine invited me to have a facial at some sort of meeting. I told her about the bad experience I had and she assured me that this time it wouldn't be like that. So, even though I really didn't want to go, I decided to help my friend by going. This was a mistake...

So I walk in the room, only to see nothing but pink (everywhere). Playing in the background is what initially sounds like really bad karaoke. When I listened more closely I realized that it was actually a compilation of popular songs, rewritten to be about Mary Kay! (what???) So the guy would sing Mary Kay lyrics to the tune of "YMCA"!!! Besides that, the women who are staffing this thing look like gypsies! They have huge hair and LOTS of makeup! One of the first things they told us was that Mary Kay lives by this rule: God first, family second, career last. Then they preceded to tell us how much $$$ they have made selling Mary Kay, and kept on telling us for the rest of the night. I didn't hear anything about God (the supposed #1) all night, and seldom heard anything about family (except that the woman was excited about her kids being away all week). But they didn't fail to mention the free cars, jewelry, and clothes they received in addition to all the money they made! I don't know about their big three...it seems to me that its all about the BLING!

Moving on... I made the assumption that someone would be doing the makeup for me. WRONG. I was to do my own makeup. No big deal right? Well, my skills go as far as foundation, blush, and eye shadow. So when they asked us to put on the eye liner, I looked like a clown...had to wipe it off for sure before I gave the older women heart attacks. Lipliner and lipstick didn't work out too well either, so off it went too! By the end, I didn't have even half the makeup the other women had on their faces! All the while, the Mary Kay presenters are blurting out false facts about the products. For instance, did you know that Mary Kay mascara helps to lengthen your lashes (impossible), or perhaps that their facial protectant guards against the sun's harmful UVA and UVB rays even when you are inside the car. You might possibly believe the latter of the two...that is, if you didn't already know that UV rays cannot penetrate through glass! Anyway, after we put on the makeup we had to all say something nice about everyone else. People were dumbfounded when it came to me because I barely had anything on! So my friend (the one who brought me) yelled something out from way across the room where the consultants were sitting. I felt ridiculous.

By this time I'm thinking only about how nice it will be to leave, and how bad it sucks that we've been here so long already. Also by this time I had heard them exclaim, "Yay!" about 20,000 times! It wasn't over though. I had to sit through a long presentation of how to move up in corporate Mary Kay, AND they tried to recruit the entire population of guests to sell it!

In conclusion, Mary Kay is one of the most hypocritical groups I've ever encountered. They say that they try to help people, but really all they care about is MONEY!

Have you ever walked away from a test so bummed and frustrated that you had to go to Larry's Giant Subs and binge on an 8 inch sub (with the works) and a bag of baked lays??? Well, it happened to me today! I am aspiring to teach 7th grade math at the school where I've been working as a PE teacher. Not only am I aspiring, I've already been hired! So, in order to do this I have to pass the PRAXIS II test to get certified to teach math to the middle school kiddies. As it turns out, there is only one test date before the beginning of the fall 2006 semester...Saturday, June 10...today. Needless to say, I really really need to pass this freaking test the first time around. (repercussions of not passing = maybe not being able to teach math, and having to fork out another $115 dollars to take the test again).

There were 40 multiple choice questions, which didn't take me long. I felt good about it. Then came the three explanation questions. You know, the ones that give you a problem, then break it up into parts a, b, c, d, e, and f! They were super-long, and really hard. I had an hour left when I started the first one, and was still working on it when they announced that there were 30min left. So I figured I'd better move onto the second one. I only answered half of it because it was hard as crap, then moved onto the third one, which I don't really think I got right. When I figured out how to do the rest of the first one I got excited! ...then it happened--"Please put your pencils down and stop working." I wouldn't dare quickly write the answer in...they'd take my test and rip it up! Ahh!!!

All I have to say is, I REALLY hope it doesn't take much to pass...

Hypothetical Question:
Your city is going to be ravaged by an army of invaders who will leave no survivors. Therefore, you load your car with all your belongings and flee the city. On your way out of the city, you see three people who all need rides. One is a little old lady; one is your best friend who also saved your life once; the other person is the man or woman of your dreams. You only have room to fit one person in your car. Who do you take?

I use this thing called facebook, which is kind of like a myspace thing for college students. It's a quick and easy way to connect with your classmates. You can even upload picture albums so that other people on facebook can look at your photos. Fecebook emails you when someone posts a photo of you. Today I received a message that said my sister posted a photo of me. So I looked to see which picture it was. It was a picture from her wedding day. One picture was of the bride's maids. The other picture was of me trying to catch the bouqet.

You know what it feels like when you realize how you look doing certain things? I had one of those moments, and my first thought was this: "Oh my gosh! That's what I looked like??? And in a dress at that!". I already knew that I am somewhat uncooth, but geez! I have come to the conclusion that I should just never dress up so that I can avoid looking like that in a dress. Here's the picture...I may as well have dove to get it. I look like I should be on the softball field or something!

A few years ago I started playing bluegrass with some friends of mine from college. We would jam for hours upon hours, without notice of time or consequences...sometimes playing until 4 or 5 in the morning! We like to mention those times to each other every now and again, since the memories are so fond and it seems crazy to have played so late into the morning like that. Sometimes when we would finish, my fingernail would be shaven down and my finger would start bleeding. But I didn't care. I would have played further into the night still, without any concerns.

A jam session usually starts with this: "So, what do you want to play?". Then it takes us a minimum of 5 minutes of deciding and making jokes to determine the first song. Once the first song is played, the rest just rolls...song after song. Josh plays the guitar, and pretty much leads most of the songs. He sings lead the majority of the time. Kirk is a genius on the mandolin. He would of course never admit this, being one of the most humble people I have ever met. He has only been playing a couple of years, and he's no Ricky Skaggs (yet anyway), but he is really good still. Kirk also sings lead sometimes (maybe just as much as Josh, but who's counting). Jon also plays guitar, but since I play the guitar too, he usually plays the banjo for us. He thinks he sucks at the banjo because the banjo he uses always throws itself out of tune. But he is actually quite talented. He sings lead on some songs. Actually, each of us have at least a couple songs we sing lead on--the same ones every time. Erin plays the fiddle, and doesn't make it to every jam session. But are thankful when she can come. The fiddle is a sweet sound to a bluegrass lover's ear. Sometimes when we schedule a get together, Josh's dad (Allen) and brother (Ben) come and play too. Allen plays banjo and harmonica and Ben plays the upright bass. Its always fun when they come because it makes it feel more like a "bluegrass band".

No jam session is complete without two of our friends, Leigh and Marian. They always think of songs to play when we can't remember any more. They are usually pretty quiet, and sometimes even sit off to the side or in a corner somewhere. Nevertheless, if they aren't there it doesn't feel right to me. That's probably why last night's jam session at the pig roast did not feel complete to me. They are essential for sure.

I have to admit that playing bluegrass with those guys is probably one of my favorite things to do. I look up to them a lot as fellow musicians. I'm not nearly as good as they are, and most of the time I struggle to keep up or remember the words. But they have accepted me as part of the group, and that means a lot to me. I love bluegrass--I love the harmonies, the instrumentals in the middle of songs, the clever lyrics, and the accented upbeats in nearly all the songs. And there is just something about sharing all that with other musicians and/or friends. It gives you a connection with them that goes deeper than just words. Harmony. I love it...

It was recently my friend, Marian's birthday. When someone I love has a birthday, I always have high hopes. Its not necessarily about how much they receive or how many people remember to say "happy birthday" to them. But my greatest hopes lie in LOVE. I just hope my friend was reminded of how much she is loved by those who are closest to her. And so I do try to do a lot--send her a card, email her, buy her a gift that I think will be meaningful. And in doing all of this, I hope she will realize that I care about her a lot. And I was glad because a lot of her friends at college took her out for dinner and celebrated with her there. When she told me that her birthday was great, it made me feel good to know that she felt the love. If it were something you could purchase, that's what I would get everyone I love for their birthdays--that they would feel the love.

Birthdays are for celebrating the day that a person was born, and that is a big deal. If Marian was never born, I would be missing out on her friendship...and so her birthday, and everyone's birthdays are really something to be celebrated. Let us not take people for granted, and remind each other of love at least every once and a while...
I hope that God gives me the strength to do at least this one task.

I love Wal-Mart. Don't you? But I hate Wal-Mart too. You can get just about anything there. I mean, you don't have to stop by the pet store or automotive store after you get your grocery shopping done because Wal-Mart has it all in one stop! Not only that, but their clothing line isn't what it used to be--they are actually selling quality clothes that kids won't be embarrassed to wear to school nowadays. And to top it all off, you can't beat the prices! You can even get a bite to eat at the in-store-McDonald's or Blimpies, AND order from the check-out line! So the possibilities are endless with Wal-Mart, and they've proved it by coming up with even more ideas of things they can offer to the public. In recent years they have started selling gas, and now there is even talk of them starting a bank! What??? What does Wal-Mart need a bank for? Could they possibly make any more money? Isn't there some sort of threshold for that--for the owners I mean? Think about it: how much money could one person actually spend? Once they make more than it is actually possible for them to spend, should they care anything about expanding? Of course, they would claim that they are doing it to serve the people. But isn't it a bit ridiculous? Do they really have to corner the market in every area? And is Wal-Mart really working for the people? People who work for Wal-Mart don't seem to think so. My mom used to work there for a while--a difficult and strenuous job for little pay. It is also true that Wal-Mart takes business from small business owners because they can offer better prices, and so small business owners often end up out of business (even though their product is usually of better quality). I used to live in a small town in Georgia called Conyers. I guess I should say that it used to be small, because once they built the Super Wal-Mart the town exploded! I hate going to Conyers now. But these are not the really the reasons I hate Wal-Mart...

So I should explain why I hate Wal-Mart: when I go there, it is usually because I need something. But I almost always see something else (or lots of something elses) that I like at a reasonable price. And so I walk out with a lot more than I went in with, and less money in the bank. But what I hate the most is this--I have all this STUFF, "mountains of things" as Tracy Chapman once said. I buy things I don't need at Wal-Mart. It is a battle of good verses evil. When I am inside the Wal-Mart trying to decide whether to buy something or not, it is easy to say "yes" to it because it "doesn't cost very much". But I realize later that it really was not a deal at all because I didn't need that item anyway.

Will I stop going to Wal-Mart? Probably not. But how can I save myself from being manipulated by this multimillion dollar department store? I guess I need to learn a little self-control. Wal-Mart will probably always be a thorn in my side...

So it seems that global warming could be a bigger problem than we think. The glaciers in Antarctica are melting and sea levels are rising. They are expecting that sea levels will eventually rise up to 20 feet! That means that a significant amount of the coasts will be, in the words of Coldplay, "swallowed in the sea". They say that if it happens slowly (over the course of about 1,000 years) we could adapt fairly easily. However, if it happens quickly (within the next 100 years) it could quite possibly be devastating. Not only is global warming causing the glaciers in Antarctica to melt and water levels to rise, but it has also caused the weather to go haywire in a sense. In the 1970's there were less than ten hurricanes that were catagorized as 4 or 5. Now we expect close to twenty each year because of global warming. Pretty soon we are going to run out of names for them all. So what are we going to do to stop global warming?