Happy Castle

Happy Castle, happy hearts;
Twinkling eyes shine like the stars.
Few the fairer rest on earth shall be.

Tuck away in leaves of green;
Mountains leave us in between
The world. It keeps on spinning down below.

All the heavens sing their praise!
Birds and flowers; nights and days.
I look upon a grey sky and see blue.

Take a walk out to the ledge,
Touch the sky and touch the edge
Of space between the chaos and the peace.

Here the heavens reach to earth.
Declare to her--her passing worth,
And bares the beauty that is sure to come.

Then when the remnants of the sun
Are sunken down, and night's begun,
All the journey now comes back to this.

Happy Castle, happy hearts;
Twinkling eyes shine like the stars!
Few the fairer rest on earth shall be.

Autumn

The season now is Summer,
But I wish that it were fall;
The Autumn brings us color,
Just before the leaves all fall.

The Lord will give a light, cool breeze
To bring us sweet relief;
And shine the leaves of brighter kinds
To help our unbelief.

In the midst of dying days,
He brightens all the trees.
I pray that in my darkest days,
These colors I will see.

More Than These

Stop thinking about it, I’ll give you what you need
Stop thinking about it, it’s more than you can see
You’re beautiful in every way
When tears come streaming down your face
You’re beautiful in every way so…

Stop worrying about it, the birds will get their feed
Stop worrying about it, I love you more than these
Oh don’t count it less than all these scars
The birds and flowers, and the stars
Oh you’re fairer still than these things are …

Stop thinking about it, tell me what you need
Stop worrying about it, it’s more than you can see
Just tell me what you want
Oh tell me what you need
Cuz I love you more than words can say
I draw your picture every day
And it’s beautiful in every way
Yeah, you’re beautiful in every way
Oh, you’re beautiful in every way …

Words from Amy Carmichael

“A Quiet Mind”
By Amy Carmichael


What room is there for troubled fear?
I know my Lord, and He is near;
And He will light my candle, so
That I may see the way to go.
O Love, O Light, I sing to Thee,
And in my heart make melody.

There need be no bewilderment
To one who goes where he is sent;
The trackless plain by night and day
Is set with signs lest he should stray
O Love, O Light, I sing to Thee,
And in my heart make melody.

My path may cross a waste of sea,
But that need never frighten me;
Or rivers full to very brim,
But they are open ways to Him.
O Love, O Light, I sing to Thee,
And in my heart make melody.

My path may lead through woods at night,
Where neither moon nor any light
Of guilding star or beacon shines;
He will not let me miss my signs.
O Love, O Light, I sing to Thee,
And in my heart make melody.

Lord, grant to me a quiet mind,
That trusting Thee—for Thou art kind—
I may go on without a fear,
For Thou, my Lord, art always near.
O Love, O Light, I sing to Thee,
And in my heart make melody.

Dainty Bird

Mine ear doth hear a blissful tune

Sweeping through the trees of red

Swift it is a bashful prayer

That I may walk among the true

Hath no sir yet tending to

Dainty bird without a nest

Humble prayer raise to the sky

That I may walk along with you

Invitation, sweet and true

That I should land for just a night

And I did taste a plea's reply

That I could walk along with you

Snowcapped days of white on blue

Adorn the lounge and light a fire

And watch as kinship rises forth

That I may share again with you

And may these moments be not few

Know the route to sky and back

And fathom what will ageless be

That I would walk along with you

O lovers of a Love that's true

O kindred souls, my heart's delight

Dainty bird doth find its nest

That I may ever walk with you

Yes, Dainty bird doth find its nest

That I may ever walk with you

For One Who Believes

While on this earthly ground we tread
We shall never, never dread
The pangs of death nor gates of hell
Which o'er God's church will ne'er prevail

For Jesus came to set us free
Would still if "all" meant only me
Became a curse for guilt and grief
To place me on Thy mercy seat

So fear I not, you'll find me there
Armed by faith and winged by prayer
And one bright day will fully know
How high these prayers of mine must go

But till the dawn shall kill the night
O Spirit, help me fight the fight
I contemplate this fear and dread
And let it fill my heart instead

So Spirit, give me eyes to see
O Lord, please help my unbelief
Yes Spirit, give me this indeed
O Lord, please help my unbelief


Mark 9:22-24
“...'But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.'  And Jesus said to him, "'If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”

More Than Just Things

When I was a kid, it was cool to ride a huffy bike, or to have a bike with a banana seat and streamers hanging from the ends of the handles. Super-soaker water guns had just come out, and you were awesome if you had progressed from roller-skates to rollerblades and invested in a neon colored slap bracelet or two. But I always wanted more. Not more things—more than just things. I wanted people. I wanted a mom who wasn’t an alcoholic, and a dad that didn’t make me flinch every time he lifted his hand. I wanted to be loved, and hugged, and held by someone safe. I supposed that’s the way the Lord created us—to live in relationship and community. HE has the Trinity, and we are made in His image…how then should we live?

As it was, I actually didn’t have many things. I didn’t feel sorry for myself about that until later—perhaps late middle school or high school. I found myself without things or relationships. So I spent lots of time alone—meandering here or there, picking up random hobbies, or watching TV. I rode my bike all around the neighborhoods, collected rocks, and even learned to juggle. I used to go outside and shoot hoops for hours by myself. I died to the idea of connection and togetherness altogether—for survival. None of it was safe, so I did my best to stay away from it. I was to people as an anorexic is to food. You train yourself to think all of it is bad, and you try to shut down your desires for it any way you can. I appreciated the way that protected me in certain ways—my parents were tornadoes, and I was [by default] right in the center of their paths…inherently. So I found that my relational anorexia kept me from utter destruction in that way. But now I battle this way of thinking. I never did forget what I really wanted, like I hoped I would. I hoped I’d forget that I wanted more than just things, because things are so much easier to lose than people. But that was utterly impossible, probably due solely to the fact that God created us for relationship. I would live like I didn’t want it most of the time, but it would always surface when I’d see a father-daughter scene in a movie, or when I would be offended when my parents said or did something mean to me. You cannot kill that desire—not even by killing hope with severe solitude. I heard a story once about an American P.O.W. in Vietnam. He was captured and held in solitary confinement for several years. His food was slid to him through a tiny opening at the bottom of his door. After four or five years of complete and utter solitude, he saw the opening at the bottom of his door crack open a bit. Light shone through the cracks and out came a Vietnamese hand, open and outstretched. The American stared at the hand for a long moment, wondering what to do. He feared that it was a trap—that perhaps his hand would be jerked outside of the door and severed by the ones who captured him. But in his desperation, he reached out and embraced the hand. They held on tightly for about five minutes—neither one spoke a word, nor could one see the other’s face. But they just held on to one another, and stayed in the moment as long as they could. The American soldier states that he survived a few more years in solitary confinement because of that one interaction—human touch, flesh on flesh…connection. If we are living without it, we are not truly living.

Now Jesus has broken through the walls I built up and invaded my heart with love and relationship—with Him and with others. I’ve felt abandoned and forgotten, but He came for me and never forgets. I’ve felt insignificant, but he has given me dignity and honor. And He didn’t have to do it, but He has been gracious to give me what I’d always wanted—people who love me. And I’d been waiting all my life to love them…

I used to kill my desire every chance I got. But now even when someone (or even everyone) I love is upset or angry, it’s still where I want to be most because it is just one more chance to connect. It’s more than just things—it’s relationship with people that grabs you with interlocking forearms and drags you through the mud any time they have to go through it themselves…and as things get increasingly slippery, your grip on one another gets tighter. And when you are through, you wipe the mud off each others’ faces and embrace one another even more tightly. It is messy, but you love and appreciate one other more once you are clean again. I tell you, it is worth every tear and toil.

Ashes to Embers

The questions will not let me sleep

Answers buried way too deep

In the bottom of a lover's leap

Made by crazy faith...

~Alison Krauss

It has been at least a couple of years since I blogged last, and I feel like I've lived an entire lifetime between now and then.  Some friends have been urging me to write, and coming back to the blog is the fruit of listening to them.  When I came back to the blog I'd created a few years ago, I immediately saw my old blogs and began trying to figure out how to delete them. "What are you doing?" asked my friend. "Don't get rid of those!" she said.  I felt I should delete them because I am different now than I was then.  My writing, therefore, was completely different.  You see, I used to write to vent my frustrations and anger.  Then I stopped writing altogether--it was merely a side-effect of death pursuing me.  I was dying slowly, but picking up the pace.  And when I really got going, I decided to run away from life and God altogether.  I was angry at God.  But in my darkest hours yet, He came for me.  The Lord showed me the futility of the life I was living, and opened my heart to the grace of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  That's why I opened up with the Alison Krauss quotation.  I had so many questions, and ended up with only one answer--the living hope that comes by grace through faith in the saving work of Jesus Christ.  And it seemed to be a crazy faith, but now it is the only thing that makes things of this world sensible.  Anyway, I decided to keep the old posts up.  The Lord has given me a story, and here in these old blogs [in part] lies some of traces of that story.  So go on and read the old ones if you so wish.  You may find that there is a disconnect, and I hope you find that the difference is quite pronounced.  I'm hoping to do more writing these days, whether it be songs, poems, or narratives...and these days, I am finding myself with exceedingly more hope.

A good friend once fed me this line--"ashes to embers"--in hopes that I would build a song around it.  I anticipate coming up short on that expectation, but that phrase does fit my story well.  I was once dead, but now I am alive.  The cold ashes were the remnants of what once was life, and now they have been regenerated into fiery red embers that burn with a living hope.  Ashes to embers...death to life.